Consider these observations of a wise bishop with extensive experience in counseling members with marriage problems. Speaking of those who eventually divorced, he said:
“Universally, every couple or individual said they recognized that divorce was not a good thing, but they all insisted that their situation was different.
“Universally, they focused on the fault of the spouse and attributed little responsibility to their own behavior. Communication had withered.
“Universally, they were looking back, not willing to leave the baggage of past behavior on the roadside and move on.
“Part of the time, serious sin was involved, but more often they had just ‘fallen out of love,’ saying, ‘He doesn’t satisfy my needs anymore,’ or, ‘She has changed.’
“All were worried about the effect on the children, but always the conclusion was ‘it’s worse for them to have us together and fighting.’ ”
In contrast, the couples who followed this bishop’s counsel and stayed together emerged with their marriages even stronger. That prospect began with their mutual commitment to keep the commandments, stay active in their Church attendance, scripture reading, and prayer, and to work on their own shortcomings. They “recognized the importance and power of the Atonement for their spouse and for themselves,” and “they were patient and would try again and again.” When the couples he counseled did these things, repenting and working to save their marriages, this bishop reported that “healing was achieved 100 percent of the time.”
(Dallin H. Oaks, “Divorce,” Ensign, May 2007, 70–73)
“Universally, every couple or individual said they recognized that divorce was not a good thing, but they all insisted that their situation was different.
“Universally, they focused on the fault of the spouse and attributed little responsibility to their own behavior. Communication had withered.
“Universally, they were looking back, not willing to leave the baggage of past behavior on the roadside and move on.
“Part of the time, serious sin was involved, but more often they had just ‘fallen out of love,’ saying, ‘He doesn’t satisfy my needs anymore,’ or, ‘She has changed.’
“All were worried about the effect on the children, but always the conclusion was ‘it’s worse for them to have us together and fighting.’ ”
In contrast, the couples who followed this bishop’s counsel and stayed together emerged with their marriages even stronger. That prospect began with their mutual commitment to keep the commandments, stay active in their Church attendance, scripture reading, and prayer, and to work on their own shortcomings. They “recognized the importance and power of the Atonement for their spouse and for themselves,” and “they were patient and would try again and again.” When the couples he counseled did these things, repenting and working to save their marriages, this bishop reported that “healing was achieved 100 percent of the time.”
(Dallin H. Oaks, “Divorce,” Ensign, May 2007, 70–73)
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